Is It Valid to Feel Fear and Anxiety After Trump’s Election?

Dear GoodTherapy.org,

The unthinkable has happened: Donald Trump has been elected president. I am reeling from the shock of this, scared of what this means for me and my family (I am a queer black woman), and anxious about how Trump’s presidency will affect the world at large. I understand that political campaigns tend to be ugly by nature, but his rhetoric leading up to the election was sharply divisive, mean-spirited, and bullying. If he acts on what he has promised, my civil rights (and the civil rights of others I care about) are threatened. I also worry for the stability of the planet. I am having a very hard time with this, and I think we’re in for a very long and difficult four years.

I know he has his supporters, and I know a lot of people think many of the things he has promised won’t actually happen, but I am not convinced. Nothing he has said or done has given me confidence that he will change his tune as president. And even if he does, I am not sure I will believe him. I know a lot of people who are like me—very frightened, very upset, and very discouraged. I am trying to tell myself that it will all be okay, that nothing will really change and it’s not worth getting worked up over, but I can’t escape this feeling of dread. It’s dragging me down to the point I can feel depression setting in (I have been there before). Even my faith in the basic goodness of people is dwindling.

I don’t like this feeling. I want to feel hopeful and optimistic again. I don’t want to live scared. I want to feel like I belong in my own country, and I don’t feel that way right now. Am I overreacting here, or is there any validity to what I am feeling? Thank you for your time. —Forlorn in the USA

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Dear Forlorn,

Thank you for reaching out. As I am sure you have gathered from news reports, social media, or other sources, you are far from alone in your feelings. Some of the concerns you expressed have been heard in therapy rooms across the country since the election (and before it, anticipating this possible outcome).

Setting aside the politics, let me start by letting you know that your feelings are valid, whatever they may be. Although some people may try to tell you that your experience isn’t what it is, that your worries are unfounded, or that you’re overreacting, the truth is your feelings are valid because they exist. They need no explaining, justification, or validation—they simply are, and they are okay. Fears don’t have to be realized to be real.

Speaking of real, the reality is none of us knows what changes might be coming our way as a result of the election. We have no idea if our worst-case fears will be confirmed or if we will look back on this time and laugh at our responses, as many people did after Y2K. There is the possibility life as we know it will be radically altered, and there is also the possibility nothing notable will change. The truth may be somewhere in between, but again, who knows? What I do know is it’s understandable and common for uncertainty to stir anxious feelings.

We have no idea if our worst-case fears will be confirmed or if we will look back on this time and laugh at our responses, as many people did after Y2K. There is the possibility life as we know it will be radically altered, and there is also the possibility nothing notable will change. The truth may be somewhere in between, but again, who knows? What I do know is it’s understandable and common for uncertainty to stir anxious feelings.

However, that is not unlike daily life because the things many of us take for granted—such as our health or physical mobility, the well-being of our families, and the stability of our work—are never guaranteed. We could encounter tragedy at any moment in our lives because that is the nature of existence.

With that awareness, we can look at the things we can control—our responses and our choices. We may not have direct power over laws that may be passed or repealed, but we do have power over how we engage in the process. We can take purposeful action to bring awareness and perhaps change to the causes we care about. We can choose to acknowledge and feel our feelings, let them pass through us, and then decide how to go forward. We can feel fear and worry and choose not to be paralyzed by them, but rather transform those feelings into motivation.

Many people are feeling as you seem to be feeling—hopeless, powerless, and alone. In times when I feel that way, I draw encouragement from an unlikely source, Fred Rogers of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, who once said that when he was a child and afraid, his mother told him to “look for the helpers.” There are always helpers, and in the aftermath of the election we have seen a mobilization of helpers across the country that has opened hearts and minds to the reality that no one is in this alone. Although you feel a sense of dread and depression setting in, I encourage you to actively counter its progression by looking for the helpers. Find support in your community; just this past weekend alone, I saw hundreds of thousands of people rallying, marching, and standing in solidarity, drawing comfort, energy, and motivation from each other. Consider getting involved with efforts you see near you, and allow yourself to be supported by others who can hold you up when you feel weak (and for whom you can do the same).

If your feelings are unmanageable, please reach out to a therapist in your area who can help support you. Again, you need not experience this alone, not with so many helpers out there with similar values and concerns. Difficult as it may be, I encourage you to try not to lose faith in humanity because there are many people in this world who want you to feel supported, heard, understood, welcome, and safe.

With hope and love,

Lisa

Lisa Vallejos

Lisa Vallejos, PhD, LPC, specializes in existential psychology. Her primary focus is helping people to be more present in their lives, more engaged with their existence, and to face the world with courage. Lisa began her career in the mental health field working in residential treatment, community mental health centers, and with adjudicated individuals before moving into private practice. She is in the process of finishing a PhD as well as advanced training in existential-humanistic psychotherapy, and provides clinical training and supervision.